Wednesday, August 25, 2010

What I Missed, Love, and Look Forward to...

Been awhile since this mama blogged here, just so much to do and so little time to do it in...TYPICAL TWIN MAMA STORY.  So here it is, I posted this blog topic and see nobody has posted *sad sad me*, so I will start it off.  I did a post on this on my own blog but it was just the missed part, one thing I can't do is leave it on a negative, so I will bring around where it should be... on the postive side of things.  I will try to shorten it up a bit, but the basic of it is I was exaughsted when my boys were newborns, yeah was LOL, I still am, just not to the extent I was.  One day I was looking through some photos and it just hit me like a wall, oh my how did I miss so much?  Why didn't I ask for help?  Why did I not see how much I was letting slip by me?  I just broke down into tears, I think it had to have been the saddest thing I have ever experienced.  Seems so silly to those who haven't been there, but I am sure my twin mamas will know exactally what I am talking about here!!!  So as I look through all my photos, I see photos of them as newborns in the hospital, coming home, being propped up in Bobbys, me doing some very creative double time bottle feedings, them smiling, sitting up, standing, gazing at the Christmas tree, oh how the list goes on and on, but you get the point.  I just broke down into tears and thought how on earth did I miss so much, I see it in photos and it brings it back little by little, but there is still so very much I missed out on just by not asking for help.  I was so tired, up all night, and all day just "surviving" each day and not realy enjoying it.  It was all about getting the twins cared for and keeping up with the rest, bottles washed, laundry done, and meals cooked.  Really there is only so much one person can do why in the hell didn't I just admitt I could NOT do it all alone!!!  Ugh still kicking myself for that!!!  So here I am looking at all these precious photos of my babies, and looking at them play in front of me and how big and grown they have become, and just crying like a baby.  What to do from there???  Suck it up put a smile on for my boys and join them in play, give them tons of hugs, love, and let them know this mama is going to be the best mama she can be no matter what!!!  So that was the I missed, now onto the I love!!!  What do I love about this crazy journey as a twin mama....oh so many things!  I love the way they look at me with those gogous baby blues and just smile, and give me those double hugs, after all that is one of the best things ever of being a twin mama, having four arms around you and a head on each shoulder and just feeling them love you with all they know.  And all you can do is squease back and hug them both as tights as you can and alternate smooching each of their cute lil' baby cheekers and watching them smile after each smooch!!!  I love watching them discover and learn so much, I love taking them to new places to see and interact with nature and all things around them, I love that they love me with everything they have, and though it is difficult having these two little beings so dependant on me, I love that look to me for love and making them feel safe and to teach them, really there is no way to even come close to explaining all I love, just I LOVE EVERYTHING about them!!!  Now onto what I look forward to, hmmm, well I look forward to so manyt things.  I look forward to sharing my lifes experieces with them, I can't wait to watch them grow into young men, and little brothers to Ethan, I can't wait to see them grow and for them to see where they came from, and look to their own futures, I can't wait to see them as men and have their own families to see that I have taught them.  And  I can only hope that I have tough them to be gentlemen who love and charrish their family as I have, I look forward to them growing together and forming brotherly bonds that can never be broke, and most of all I just look forward to seeing them grow into the men, that I am, as of now, working so hard to raise them to be.  This journey as a twin mama has been the greatest experience of my life, it has been rough, it has been a typical twin mama's journey!!!

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't have said it better. I feel ya! But like most, asking for help and actually "getting it" is two different things. I am grateful for the assistance I recieved. Being a twin mom has changed me as a person in SO many ways. I am NOT the person I was 5 years ago. I always say the first 4 months were the hardest that I EVER had to deal with. But now, I wouldnt change any of it! Thanks for sharing