Sunday, September 12, 2010

How to let go anger

I am so trying to let go my anger, but I find myself still trapped by it. I find myself more like my mother every day, and anger ate her soul up literally. Here's my beef: My DH has two kids from a previous marriage, and I really was open to them and including them in alot of stuff trying to really make a bond. His daughter decided to turn her back on her dad and let the ex tell her stuff that was not true and thus she has and doesnt want anything to do with us, despite all our efforts of trying to make things good. My DH has decided to keep her away from our lives due to the vicious lies she created (along with the ex) and almost caused great chaos for my husband. Now, his son was cool and I got along great with him UNTIL he started dating and chose to marry someone JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER, no kidding she is exactly like the ex very very controlling! I tried to make peace with it, though I could see he knew he got himself into a very bad relationship but when you are 18 you are trying to prove yourself against the world, again both my husband and I tried very hard to talk some reasoning into him, to no avail! When we found out about the beans, we allowed both Daniel and Sarah to be apart of the pregnancy, Sarah (Daniel's wife) even went to my U/S appointments. After the beans were born things were okay, but I had raging PPD and they expected us to drop things like we used to do in the past to do things for them. Now, that we had the kids both of them starting copping an attitude saying to my dh, "you only have time for the babies, not for us." I was livid, HELLO we have newborn twins of course we are going to spend more time with them, and you are 18 and 19 and are adults...get a freaking clue! Well, to make a long story short it came to head one day when they wanted my dh to drop everything to do their brakes on the car, he told Daniel to bring the car by at a time convenient for us...GOD FORBID, but that was just too much, we needed to do it when they wanted us to do it. So, it all blew up and dh got on the phone with Daniel telling him wth is wrong with you, why are you acting that which Daniels says, "You never did anything to help me out Dad, all you do is be around Kelli and those babies all the time, you never have time for me anymore!" My dh hit the roof, and the argument began and then Daniel basically told my dh, "I dont want you or need you in my life, you can just stay out of it and go "F" yourself." That was over a year ago, the kids were about 3mths old. Now, a year later Daniel texted my husband after not talking for over a year wanting to start talking again, but never apologized at least not fully because in his last email to us "I have no remorse for what I have said, I said what I believe and I will not ever apologize," yea the little pisher said that to my husband. So, I could have blocked the little monster cause I am the owner of both cell lines but I didnt...oh I did want to believe me, but I decided I won't go down that road.

Now, today my husband is doing his army duty and they are having family day. It's way too far for me to drag the kids for a stupid party that will last maybe 2hrs...we live like 3hrs away. So, he invited his son to go over there since he lives by where the party is going to be. I told Scott he better make sure he clears the air with Daniel and let him know that I am still pissed off, I still have anger over what he told us and it's not about to go away anytime soon. I know harboring anger is not good, but I just cannot let myself let it go. See, I lost my mother when I was 15, she chose to suicide and I miss her sooo much and I would KILL to have my mother around. Now my mother did some crazy stuff to me as a kid, emotionally and some physical abuse (not sexual) but still I would have never ever told my mother to "f" off or that she didn't do things for me, EVER!!! This is where I hold my grudge, cause now being a parent I know the sacrafice it takes to be one, and to have some little punk kid and his wife tell my DH that he never did anything for them ( just a note, Daniel's wife Sarah had lived with my DH before they got married, she lived 9mths RENT FREE and ate up all the food, jacking up the energy bill) I just can't let it go. So, while he is there having lunch with his son, I am stewing at home...though the kids keep me busy, I now have time to THINK about it. I just hope my dh puts the little brat straight, and I hope he knows that he and I will square off one day and I will make sure he knows what an ASS he has been to his father! Honestly, I just wonder wth did you do to raise such bratty ass kids? Seriously! Both kids are so self centered, all about them and if it's not my way its the highway, and I will drag you down if I can just to toy with you attitude...I AM DONE! I told DH that I really dont want them to ever be around the kids, seriously I dont need that attitude rubbing I wrong? Perhaps in time I will allow myself to heal this wound...and I am so trying but it's very hard. I guess it's because Daniel is not my kid, though I think if even the twins tried this crap on me, i'd backhand them back to reality and quick.

So as I am writing this my dh texted me saying he told Daniel that he and his wife needs to apologize for their behavior...YEA RIGHT. I dont expect an apology and that is fine by me, cause honestly I dont need the drama. I am better off without it in my life, I'll have enough as the kids get older! Anywho, thanks for letting me vent...this is better than me driving 2hrs and knocking both of them upside their heads. :)



  1. I can relate. I am going through it with my 11 year old stepson who lives with us. I dont know how to deal with my anger. Thanks for sharing!

  2. I don't have experience with step children. BUT I do have a very toxic family.

    My mom's family has always been bad and to this day I get a call every few months from her sobbing because my grandmother said something terrible to her and hurts her so bad. I can count on one hand the family members that even care enough to call and find out about my children.

    I decided when I was pregnant to write them off. If they want to try and be adults then we can try to have a relationship and maybe if they prove themselves they can know the babies otherwise I would rather they had a little loving family than a big toxic one.

    I'm sure it's much harder for your husband but you aren't bad for feeling that way. OF COURSE you want to protect those little babies they won't understand and deserve to feel safe, loved and cherished.

  3. Thanks, and I did find out they want to be "swingers" yea I need that in my THANK YOU!!! I have written them off! I think it will take a longer time for my husband to do the same, but I think he's seeing that his son is going down a path that he'd never thought in his life he would hear.