Thursday, September 23, 2010

What I Missed, Love and Look forward to

To my Liam and Elijah,
From the moment the pregnancy stick came out positive, I knew my life would never be the same. I knew that I would have to sacrifice myself in order for you to thrive and grow into wonderful men. At the time I imagined a life of being overwhelmed by a single baby. I wasn't sure how I was going to do it. A few weeks later, we saw two heartbeats and that changed everything.
I do miss going out on dates with your father just for fun, or going on trips out of nowhere. Your father and I would make 7 Eleven stops and binge on crap food and play video games all night. We would sleep in, go to work, go to school and be together. I do miss that alone time with him but I would give that all up in an instance just to have you. In the back of my mind when we found out that we were having twins was that I knew I would be huge. I would constantly tell your father that when I do get pregnant I would workout and stay thin. Little did I know that I would in the ER at 3 in the morning at 11 weeks pregnant since there was a threaten miscarriage. I should have miscarried that day, yet God allowed me to keep you safe inside. After that, no more working out. I miss my prepregnancy body, I should have appreciated it, but I didn't. Yet knowing I carried you both for so long, I gladly give you my body as well.
The things that I sometimes miss does not compared to what I have right now. I am completely in love with you both. Liam, from the day you were born you explored the world. You opened your eyes and had an amazement look to your face. You are still the same. You take the leap and try new things. It may come at the cost of bruises but you are so determined. I love that you enjoy exploring and I love seeing your face light up when something new has presented itself. Elijah the day you were born, you were very quiet and content. You would open your eyes here and there but it was always a treat. As you grew, your father and I saw that you would observe rather than do. You would watch Liam try new things and get hurt, then once he mastered his new ability, you would just do it perfectly without any issues. I love giving you new things and seeing you examine it and study it. I love holding the both of you and have you both hold me tight. I love coming into your bedroom in wee hours of night and seeing you stir. I stand there and you open your eyes and see me then give me a huge smile. I put your quilt on you and your drift back to sleep. I love it when you want me to hold you until you fall asleep. I love it when you play with me or give me five. I just love being with you and showing you this world that God blessed us with.
I cannot wait to put you both in a soccer team. Your father played for many years and hopes to coach your team. We look forward to taking you to the park and just being a family. I am looking forward to the day when you say, "I love you." I know that we will have our ups and downs through life, but remember that no matter what, your mother loves you.

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